Find Your Inner Pause Button for Positive Parenting

Molly Holmes, LMFT Author

Posted On May 04, 2021 |

Mindful Attachment Parenting teaches you how to push your inner pause so that you can parent responsively instead of reactively.

The space between what happens and how we respond

In order to begin to parent more responsively rather than reactively, we have to be able to slow things down when mama drama strikes. And mindfulness is the foundation upon which we can build the ability to find our inner pause button as a parent. Because there is a space between what happens and how we respond and that is where our power to parent consciously lies. Being able to find and press your inner pause button is the secret sauce in the recipe for ending reactive parenting. And is a key feature of the Mindful Attachment Parenting approach. So how do we actually access this magical inner remote control during stressful situations?

Mindfulness helps you to parent responsively rather than reactively

Remember that mindfulness is a muscle that is honed through intention and regular practice. You can think of it like a yoga studio for your mind. It is the training you do to have the capacity to parent from the heart instead of from a place of reactivity and frustration. As a result, you can choose to respond the way you want to rather than being at the mercy of unconscious, “knee-jerk” reactions. Once you start practicing mindfulness regularly, you will be amazed by your ability to hit your inner pause button and turn the tide toward more parenting zen.

Your stress response and your inner pause button

Because there is a difference between being able to thoughtfully respond versus reacting in a difficult parenting moment. It all depends on which part of your brain is running the show. The amygdala is the part of our brain that gets activated during stress. Known as the fight, flight, or freeze mechanism, this is like the body’s stress alarm system. But our stress receptors cannot always distinguish between real or imagined dangers. And sometimes our stress response gets triggered by events that are not actually life-threatening. Like when you start reacting to your toddler spilling juice all over the car in the same way you would react if you were being chased by a lion. When this happens, pausing and taking a deep breath works because oxygen cues the amygdala to calm down. We all get triggered as parents, but we can pause and mindfully reconnect to our inner zen place.

Try this exercise to easily find and press your inner pause button as a parent:

To instantly find your inner pause button—Just breathe! I know, I know it sounds too basic. But it is science really. Remember oxygen tells your brain to chillax. Then it is much easier to press the pause button and make the choice you really want to make instead of just reacting. Taking a square breath balances your nervous system because it is nature’s antidote to stress. And it brings your awareness back to the present: Inhale slowly for a count of eight, hold it for a count of eight and then slowly exhale for the same count of eight and then wait another count of eight before taking your next breath. Repeat as needed.

Using your inner pause button to parent the way you really want to

Cultivating mindfulness and finding and accessing your inner pause button is a lifelong practice. Just like exercising, it is a“use it or lose it” type of thing. Truly, we live in a society where stress and constant distraction are daily mainstays of reality for many people. And parenting even more so if we do not find a way to mindfully manage our stress response and use our inner pause button to give us the chance to make conscious choices. It can be very challenging to stay focused on developing awareness and finding your inner pause button when something difficult is going down. But you don’t have to do it alone. 

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Categories: Holistic Psychology, Mindful Attachment Parenting, Self-Care